It's Real Now.

Well the day has come. We got up round 5:30 A.M. this morning, snuggled for a little while an then got the day started. I got Hailiy up and ready, then Madison, then myself, Rob got ready loaded his stuff, got Carson up and ready, and off we went. I don't either one of us knew what to say to each. Every time I let myself think about what I really wanted to say I had to fight back tears. We knew this day was coming but that doesn't make it any easier. We choose this life 7 years ago. We have grown much stronger because of it. We will be fine. We will make it. We will only grow and become stronger from this. I will have good and bad days, good and bad moments everyday. I hate mornings because I know I won't wake up next to him. No more dates or days together as a family. He won't be coming home for dinner. I won't get to be wrapped up in his arms or fall asleep in his arms. Thinking about how much will be different while he's away breaks my heart. So I will do my best not to think about that. I will try to stay as busy as I can. Hearing his voice brights my day and is the best way to end my day. That and "I love you mommy" from our babies is all I want to hear at the end of the day. I need to get this all out. I an't keep holding it all in. I miss him, the kids miss him, it hurts me that they miss him. I can't even count how many times they have said they miss him and just want him back home. Watching him walk away with Carson yelling for him was so hard. I completely lost it. I can't deal with seeing our babies hurting. Took me a few miles to put myself together. Thursday is going to be so hard, walking away a 2nd.time is going to be so hard. Ok so now that I have all that out. Our day was pretty normal. Hailiy was my big helper wanting to help with every single thing she could. Madison wanted to snuggle and watch toons. Carson took a nap, took his diaper off and ended up getting poop all over his sheets, blankets, and carpets( he has diarrhea) so I had a nice mess to clean up. Then he made one mess after another for me lol. He didn't fight me putting him to bed, thank GOD. The girl are both in bed and asleep. So now it's time for me to try to get some sleep.